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Top 10 Kinky Things to Try When Trying Out BDSM!

By Bryn Wolf 9/27/2022

Once upon a time, BDSM and kink were only uttered in secret spaces at clubs and small get-togethers where you had to be carefully vetted because being involved in this taboo lifestyle was so risky that no one wanted to out themselves. Over the past few decades, things have changed significantly to the point that there are BDSM beginner kits available to 'spice up your sex life' in nearly every sex store and novelty shop! From fuzzy hand-cuffs and blindfolds to floggers and paddles, you can find a range of sadistic or deviant toys readily available! The release of Fifty Shades of Grey reignited interest in a global way where previous movies such as The Secretary or Eyes Wide Shut hadn't before. Most recently, the release of Netflix's popular series How to Build a Sex Room showed how popular the demand for dedicated kink spaces is and its success can easily lead us to believe that America wants to get kinky!

Luckily for all of us, we don't need to have an entire room dedicated to a BDSM. For many of us, it isn't practical or possible. But don't let that keep you from dipping your toes in these unfamiliar waters! There are many ways to start exploring everything this world has to offer, and it may simply start with trying out these top 10 types of toys to get your started!

As a quick refresher, BDSM is a complex acronym that stands for B-bondage and D- discipline, D - dominance and S- submission, S- sadism and M- masochism. The true acronym is BDDSSM but that is way too long so the community uses the abbreviated acronym instead.

Bondage refers to anything that physically restrains the individual while discipline is more of a psychological restraint including but not limited to having one's behavior and impulses controlled and restricted. Dominance and submission refers to the dance between power and how a couple plays with it; some may enjoy taking on the role of being in control or driving the narrative, activities and responsibility of the scene during play while the other may enjoy surrendering to being directed, controlled, played with or receiving the painful or pleasure administrations of the Dominant party. Finally, sadism refers to deriving pleasure from pain that their partner has willingly consented to (named after the author Marquis de Sade) and masochism refers to deriving pleasure from enduring or experiencing pain consented to (named after the author Joseph Masoch).

Here are the top 10 ways to start exploring this sensual and exciting world!

1) Wrist and Ankle Restraints

Want to try something simple, effective and safe? Wrist and ankle cuffs or restraints are a perfect way to begin! Restraints like these are meant to restrict arm or leg movement by cuffing or binding the wrists or ankles to items in the room or to other parts of the body such as thighs, ankles, wrists or chest. You might be receiving some very sexy attention from your partner but having a tough time relaxing and knowing what to do with your hands or feet. Where do you put them? What should they be doing? Is this the right position? Allowing your partner to take the Dominant role and restrain your wrists and/or ankles so that you don't have to be distracted by your own fidgeting body can be a great relief and help get you into a submissive and receptive state.

It can be really frustrating when one partner is trying to get their lover to focus and receive and that person just won't get out of their head! Help partners who are overthinkers be present and receptive by shackling them with cuffs! This Keep 'Em Bound Neck to Wrist Restraint works perfectly for keeping your submissive's hands in front of or behind them and can easily be adjusted so that the hands can be placed low or high for comfort. Be a little devious and keep their hands just out of reach of their genitals! Or go for the classic and enjoy these Fur Lined Wrist and Ankle Cuff set by Strict Leather. Soft and padded with strong, durable D-rings to attach straps or ties to, you can easily have your partner wear these cuffs in any position their body will allow. Made out of faux leather and faux fur so you don't trigger any allergies, you'll be enjoying this set for years in countless ways!

2) Spreader Bars

Keep their legs spread for you with spreader bars! These are bars that attach to the ankles with a bar separating the legs so they can't close. Wrist cuffs can also attach to the bar so all four of their limbs are restrained. These bars put them in a vulnerable and exposed position that you can enjoy with them on their back or ass up on their chest and knees. You can have their ankles only cuffed to the bars if you want them to stand up, as well. If you've never tried any type of predicament bondage where the submissive partner is bound in a way that causes them to struggle, you may find delight in how entertaining it can be to see them try to accomplish tasks, achieve pleasure, or simply move awkwardly into positions you ask them to be in. Once you're done laughing at their struggle, give them a spanking and take advantage of that open pussy or ass! Try out our most popular Deluxe Spreader Bar made of faux PU leather and reinforced with a metal bar for durability. It includes the wrist and ankle cuffs that are already fixed in place.

3) Bedroom Bondage

Bedroom Bondage includes toys or gear that can be used in the bedroom. Generally speaking, most people’s bedrooms are not large enough to fit a St. Andrew's Cross, a bondage bench or a large fucking machine. Even fewer people have room for multiple bondage items or furniture. Things that can fit in the bedroom, be taken out and used and then put away in a closet or under the bed, or things that can be used in smaller, intimate spaces are perfect for those of us that have limited space. These can include gear like collars, ropes, small toys, floggers, whips, blindfolds and restraints. They can also include smaller fucking machines or foldable bondage boards. Instead of having to travel to a dungeon or kinky sex club to try out kink, start with using the furniture you have already have (sich as your bed and mattress) and use our Bedroom Restraint Kit to convert it into sexy furniture! Discrete when simply pushed back under the bed and sturdy when pulled out and used, this kit is perfect both for beginners who want to try things in the safety of their home and for advanced users who love to travel light with effective bondage gear! Allow your partner to writhe and squirm in pleasure as they're helplessly restrained to the bed of your choosing, your collective weight and the pressure from the mattress keeping them secured and in place.

4) Arm Binders

We've mentioned before the psychological effect of simply restraining the hands so that your fidgeting, overthinking submissive can let go and receive. By binding both their arms and hands they are given a little more to writhe and push against while they fully sink into their body and pleasure. By using an arm binder, you can bind their arms in front of them or behind their back and limit what they can touch or reach. They may even experience a sense of excitement triggered by feeling vulnerable without the use of their arms to support them or catch them if they fall. They have to surrender to you and with their arms behind their back, their chest, nipples, belly and genitals are exposed for you to play with as they watch! Try on our most popular STRICT Armbinder that has multiple buckle straps that wrap around the wrists to keep them locked in place!

5) Collars

A sign of submission, part of puppy play or a fashion statement. These collars come in all different sizes, colors and widths. Even for those new to kink, putting on a collar can trigger a calming and sensual response. For the one placing the collar on their submissive, try doing it slowly, sensually and with intention. Whisper in their ear what it means when they wear this collar for them and that they're going to obey your command now and are under your protection as long as they wear this. Gently pull at their collar so that it leads their whole body to you and see how much they melt, awaiting your next direction. Collars are not only a useful tool for the body and the mind, they're also often designed to be aesthetically pleasing for both the Dominant and the submissive. One of our most popular styles is the Crimson Tied Collar with Leash. Pictures don't do it justice! The deep red colors contrast against the geometric black lines and angles to stand out amongst your toys and adorn the neck of your partner. They'll love this collar so much, you may find them incorporating it into their wardrobe outside of a scene!

6) Bondage Hood or Muzzle

Transform your identity with a puppy, cat or horse hood or augment your mouth with a dog muzzle! If you prefer, hide your face completely to lose your identity, keep anonymity, or deprive yourself of sight, sound or speech. Bondage hoods and muzzles can play a similar role in that they transform the most identifiable part of us; our face. By obscuring our face from sight with hoods like this one, we are allowed to let out our innermost desires and tap into the subconscious longing deep within us. It affects both the one hooded and the one who is looking at your body, sexualizing it instead of your identity. When the hood is that of an animal such as this Neoprene Puppy Hood, we can get even deeper into our primal instincts. This may result in wild, hot, animalistic sex… or it can be as innocent as finally getting to play as a puppy, kitty, pony or other animal!

7) Dungeon Irons

This category mostly refers to steel and other durable, metal devices and gear that are built for more intense scenes. It includes metal shackles, handcuffs, stockades, clamps, metal slave collars, metal cages and a few other items. These items make up a dungeon aesthetic from the 1400’s where all restraints and torture devices were made of metal and combine it with more modern prison-style restraints that include metal, locking handcuffs. Originally, the term for dungeon irons referred to a metal chain attached to metal cuffs (shackles), attached to a single point in a room. Getting into kinky bondage like this appeals to those who really enjoy strong, secure bondage and find pleasure in the feeling of cold, hard metal against their skin. This 5 Piece Stainless Steel Shackle Set is a great example of the dungeon aesthetic, but incorporating sensory play items such as this Adjustable Pussy Clamp with Leash brings a whole new level to your kinky play!

8) Shibari/Rope

Many people enjoy being bound, especially with rope. It can have an intensely relaxing effect on the rope bottom that allows them to let go of their concerns and worries for what is happening in their world and submit to being taken care of. One of the first and oldest forms of bondage is rope, otherwise known as shibari or kinbaku. It involves binding a rope bottom (the one being tied by rope) by a rope top (the one tying the rope) using rope and incorporating elaborate and beautiful knotwork. There are beginner knots and ties that can be learned via online. The more elaborate knotworks can take years to master.

Starting off, you can use any type of rope but for more advanced suspension work, you’ll need rope that ideally has weight bearing capabilities up to about 5x the weight of the rope bottom. Like most things that are exciting and edgy, rope is something that can be done in a safe, gentle way or in a more extreme and risky way. Even the act of dragging the ropes across the rope bottom’s skin can be erotic and sensual! Make sure that if you are getting involved in rope that you take your time and learn as much about safety as possible. Start by always having safety shears on hand or attached to your belt in case you need to cut your rope bottom free. Give yourself plenty of slack with 96 Feet of Cotton Rope and see what knots you can tie! If you want to mix in ropework and anal, this Stainless Steel Anal Hook is both sexy and devious!

9) Blindfolds

When you take one sense away, all other senses are amplified! By using blindfolds, you introduce your partner to sensory deprivation by taking away their sight. They won’t be able to see each spank, whip or caress before it happens, thus keeping the element of surprise in every moment. Keep them in a constant state of heightened excitement and anticipation! In a busy room, dungeon, club or party, blindfolding them can help center and focus them when they might normally be distracted. This is even more valuable for those who are highly sensitive, have visual or auditory processing challenges, or for those who are neurodivergent. Blindfolds are also just something that is easy to incorporate in play and effortless to travel with. Try out the Black Out Blindfold first and see how one little item enhances your entire experience!

10) Straightjacket & Restraint/Bondage

Completely limit their ability to move by binding their torso in a straightjacket or their entire body in a sleepsack; they’ll be helpless as you have your way with their body and mind. While it isn’t for everybody, the feeling of being bound across the chest in particular limits the ability of the submissive to breathe as they normally would. While bound, they feel the pressure against their chest and body with every breath and become acutely aware of their breathing. This can be extremely relaxing. In addition to the breathwork aspect, the submissive is not unable to actively do anything with their torso (and sometimes can't move their legs, either) so they are placed in a position physically where they have to rest, give up their control and let someone else take over. This is incredibly vulnerable and can be simultaneously exciting and relaxing which heightens the erotic nature of it for those partaking in it. The Straight Jacket in particular has not only a binding effect, it also plays into lots of kinky medical fantasies! For those who want to start small or simple, this Mummification Bondage Tape Pack is a low-cost and risk-free way to begin!

Bonus - Bondage Furniture:

Bondage furniture includes large items that can be used to enhance a BDSM scene. Unlike bedroom bondage which makes use of small spaces by incorporating items that can easily be broken down and stored away, or straps that can tie someone to themselves or to the bed, bondage furniture includes items that are generally large and stationary.

Furniture like this can be used to enhance sex and kink scenes by making it easier to shackle, tie up or cuff a submissive to a heavy, stationary item. Many of the items are also large enough to support the full body weight of the submissive, so they can rest on the bench, table or sling. Furniture can also be used to achieve the opposite by causing the submissive to have their arms and body lifted up or their hands chained above them to a cross or locked in a pillory so they’re forced to stand during the scene. However, these items also support the Dominant’s role; most of them are at hip-level or adjustable, which lets them stand rather than crouch. This small adjustment promotes situations that are ergonomic and protect the physical well-being of the Dom by putting them in positions of power and ease when they thrust, whip or spank the submissive.

The Obedience Extreme Sex Bench with Restraint Straps is one of our most popular furniture items! It is fully adjustable so you can set it to a custom height for your own comfort, perfect for long scenes, and can be used in a variety of ways to enhance both pleasure and pain! If you want to go for something a little bigger that definitely makes a statement in your household, this Kinky Sex Chaise Lounge comes in both bright red and sleek black. It isn't obvious to non-kinksters that it's secretly a game-changer for wild, mind-blowing sex or that it offers hundreds of different positions that make both penetration and oral easier and hotter, so it's perfect for those of us that want to allude to a wild side without throwing it in our house-guests' face.

Try out any of the above or indulge and try them all! When it comes to sex and pleasure, the sky really is the limit!

Additional Resources: If you want to dive more into this topic, feel free to read our product guides about bondage gear and sex furniture! Our show XR University, a free education series, also covers bondage gear and sex furniture for those who want a little more show and tell.

Bryn Wolf is a staff writer with a background in kink and sex education. She has a B.A. in cultural anthropology and is a polyamorous, queer, kinky woman living in Portland, Oregon. She has been writing about and advocating for kink and sex positivity since 2015.