And it’s not even a sale!

So when I talk with my friends about sex toys, I find that far too many of them don’t even have a vibrator. Seriously? I ask them… and they’re like “oh… they’re just too expensive…” Um. NO! Here are 100 sex toys you can buy for under $10! At these prices, you should order at LEAST 10 and give them out at your next party. Most of these toys are normally priced at these great prices, only a few (you’ll see them) are currently being discounted. Either way- you save!

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Yes, I’m talking about Valentine’s Day

Now I, much like most of you, are trying to plan out how this Valentine’s Day is gonna work. Most of my friends are doing the whole dinner, dancing, sex thing. I’m one of those people who have to do things just a little differently: Maybe during dinner, I place dessert on my girl’s body and eat it off her. Maybe during dancing I show people the “horizontal lambada”. Yes, that would be totally cool, wouldn’t it?

I have nothing against the typical, standard routine. Whatever works for you and helps you reach that happy ending is your business. I’m in this to make sure that everyone has a fulfilling Valentine’s Day. Although, I will say this: Please don’t make Valentine’s Day your one day to show affection. Surprise your partner on other days (days that are NOT their birthday or national holidays). You have 364 other days to show them how much you love them and are willing to have simulatenous climaxes with them.

Plus, I need to find out how I can get abs like this guy? Man, is that six-pack smokin’ or what?

But you tell me what are some of the best things you’ve done on Valentine’s Day: Did it involve dinner, games, friends, the backseat, a rope, some duct tape, a car battery, a huge dildo, a butt plug the size of Texas, your all-too-inclusive best friend — or all of the above?

Let me know, make me melt…

We sell a variety of items that can turn even a mild-mannered person into an animal. You could wear a dog mask, use a dog bone bit gag, purchase a shock puppy trainer and more.

So I wanted to ask all of you sort-of a double question: Have you ever used any thing like these items or others?

Secondly, tell me about the best physical sex you’ve had. Now I know, sex itself is physical, but I’m talking about heart-stopping, lamp-breaking, headboard-denting, neighbor-piss-offing sex. That kind of sex you needed a couple of days to recover from.

And if you have such a story, please tell me what you did to cause that to happen. I would like to live vicariously through you!

Face it: You want to have sex on Valentine’s Day. If there’s any day you and your partner can pick out of the year for a little bedroom fun, it has to be Valentine’s Day. In addition, why would you want to take such a special day and have sex in your “normal” fashion? You know: Missionary, roll over, doggy, roll back, missionary, on your side, spoon, come, breathe, sleep –no wait… maybe that’s just me.

Right now Extreme Restraints is having our Hearts and Handcuffs Event. Like that title? Yeah, I came up with that last year because it uses cool alliteration and it’s two fitting things connecting us with you. So what are we offering exactly? How about 15% Off (15% = 10% instantly + 5% rebate) select gift guide items. Every item in our gift guide (whether the price is already reduced or not) is eligible for this offer.

Just take the safe word, valentine, and use it when you reach the checkout. And if you’re so inclined send me information about what you have planned for Valentine’s Day? Do you plan it out early or are you last minute? Do you do the candlelight dinner thing or do you have mad passionate animal sex on the living room floor?

Feel free to share. I like it when you share.

You know what I don’t understand? Why must this industry tip-toe around things? Like ok. The picture that’s used in this post is of the Eva Love Doll. The full title of the item is the Eva “Desperate Housewife” Love Doll. Well, gee, I wonder which housewife celebrity they’re talking about? I know there’s this fear of being sued or something by the celebrity in question, but shouldn’t they actually be flattered?

Do you know how many celebrities get passed over to have their own love doll made (male or female)? Can you imagine the marketing and planning stages of a company when they’re trying to figure out which celebrities to make a sex doll out of? I’m sure they have this list somewhere of celebrities with red markings by their name. Red markings that say stuff like “Oh, hellz no!” and “If we did that, we’d be laughed out of the business.”

So celebrities who do make the cut and have a company take the time, money and effort to manufacture a doll in their likeness should be somewhat flattered, at least I would think. I have yet to see a celeb so flattered by this that they would actually be their own model for the doll — if you come across something like that please let me know.

Like, look at the Hustler film “Naylin Paylin”. Do you really not know who they’re referring to with that film?

The adult industry has made it a cornerstone to oft reference pop culture. A guy at the AEE show even said that sometimes pop culture is dictated by how the adult industry recieves it. This also goes for technology as well. He told me musically you know you’ve made it when Weird Al Yankovic parodies you. Another indicator is when the adult industry parodies you as well.

So come on celebs, get with the times. We only do this because we love you. Think about it, you could’ve been on the cutting room floor. Instead you’re on the bedroom floor.

Embrace that, enjoy that.

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